My new book is going to be titled; Always & Forever. It is a modern-day love triangle with some twists and turns. Currently it is not finished, but in the works.
Here is a preview to get your appetite up…
I can feel Ian’s breath on my face, minty and warm… “I missed you today”
After one more deep breath I open my eyes and give a little smile “I know”
The first touch of his lips to mine is whisper soft, gentle and sweet. Then before I know it the pressure increases and his tongue glides along my lower lip asking before taking my mouth in a possessive, bruising, punishing kiss. Ian’s erection presses into my core causing a moan to escape my mouth. Even through the thin material of his boxers and my sleep shorts I can feel it hot and throbbing… Ian skims one of his hands under my tank top his palm warm against my cool skin until he is cupping one of my breasts in his hand, rolling and pinching the nipple. I can’t help it my treacherous body responds and my back arches, Ian chuckles lightly as he licks my lips and says “I know what my girl likes” before he returns to my lips grinding his erection into me harder.
Somewhere in the back of my mind I know that this shouldn’t be happening I know that I need to stop this because it’s not going to make what I will say to Ian tomorrow any easier. Dirty. I feel so dirty. But it feels so good. I find myself getting lost in the moment and just before I spiral out of control I see the most piercing blue eyes looking into my soul and that’s the clarity I need to put my hand over Ian’s, stilling his movements. “Ian…” god why couldn’t that have come out a little less breathy. “Please…” what can I say…. “I don’t want the girls to hear us.” I watch a few different emotions frustration, annoyance, anger, and understanding? Cross his face before he smiles that heartbreakingly beautiful smile, smacks a playful kiss on my lips and says “that’s why we sleep at my place remember?” oh yes… I remember all right. With that Ian slides off of me and pulls me into his arms wrapping himself around me, my head on his chest.
The last thing I remember before falling asleep is thinking that I am going to miss having this at night; the feeling of contentment, with someone to cuddle up against.
Hot. Why am I so hot? Oh… Yes… The soft warm breathes on my neck and the vise like grip around my ribs and legs makes me remember. Ian. Slowly turning my head to look at the clock on my nightstand I sigh softly, it’s only six o’clock. Ian has practice at eight. I’m so tired. I had the worst dreams about how this would go down with Ian. I have to wake him up. We need to talk. This isn’t something I can just tell him right before he walks out of the door. What am I going to say? …. “Babe, why are you awake so early?” I was so wrapped up in my thoughts I didn’t even notice Ian had woken up. He places a soft kiss on my neck and it just makes me feel even more terrible than I already do.
“I was hot and couldn’t sleep any longer” it’s a flimsy excuse, I know.
He chuckles softly and pulls me tighter into his body, every inch of his hard male form is flush against my body….”Ian there’s something I need to talk to you about.”
“What’s up?” as he loosens up on his grip he gives me a sleepy smile before kissing me on the lips “good morning beautiful.”
I can’t help but smile, a weak smile but a smile nonetheless “good morning.”
It takes me a few more heartbeats before I can bring myself to start. With reluctance, I pull myself away from Ian and slide out of the bed. Ian of course rolls onto his side and watches me pacing the room all of his nakedness, well practically naked, staring me in the face. Pull it together Georgina… You can do this… You have to do this.
“Ian…. I….” shit shit shit. I can’t do this…. “I love you. I know that you know this and I just want you to know that I will always love you…” Ian opens his mouth to say something but I put up my hand to stop him “… We have been here before and I wish more than anything that I could feel differently but I can’t…” before I can finish the next thought Ian is off of the bed standing in front of me, pissed off.
“No. No Georgina. I know what your about to say and the answer is no.” That one word Norings through my ears and bounces around in my brain, pinging off of every corner. I should have expected this, should have know this is what would happen.
Bracing my self for the wrath of Ian I say “Ian, please, don’t make this harder than it has to be. You and I have tried to make things work and while I appreciate all of your efforts and recognize that you are happy with where we are, I…” placing my hand on my chest to help drive the point home “…I am not… I…” moving faster than I have ever seen him move Ian has his hand around my upper arm squeezing so tightly, pulling me into the bathroom “ow, Ian your hurting me! Let go!”
Using his foot he pushes the bathroom door closed and then spins me around so my front is against the door and he pushes me harder against it using his body, his lips next to my ear “we seem to find ourselves in this position quite frequently these days G. Why is that?” Ian, who has both of my hands in his, raises them above my head clasping his right hand around both of mine, pinning them to the door. His left hand slowly skims down my left arm grazing the side of my breast his thumb gliding over my nipple through my thin tank top before moving lower to the hem of my top “You love me G, and the world knows that I love you. I will do anything G, anything to keep you” with that his hand slips under my top and slides down into the front hem of my shorts.
I know Ian would never do anything to intentionally hurt me but when he gets like this “Ian…” his name comes out on a sob, tears slip slowly down my cheeks. “Please Ian. I do love you but I need…” with a gasp my body reacts to Ian’s touch as his fingers slip into my folds, pressing deep….
“Me. Georgina you need me. No one will ever be able to give you what I can and do. No one will ever be as good for you as I am and you are for me.” Ian’s lips brush against my ear and glide down my neck softly nipping on my vein with his teeth “we belong togeth…”
“There’s someone else.” it slips out of my mouth on a breathy whimper, his hand goes still and before I can regret saying the words Ian has me turned around his hands retuning to my upper arms, squeezing so hard I can feel my hands starting to tingle. Waves of pure fury are pouring off of Ian, his face is cold stone and in this moment I am afraid of Ian like I have never been before.
A moment later my fear is validated when he slams me back against the door so hard that my head instantly starts to throb, oddly an eerie calm has come over Ian when he says “someone else?” his eyes are moving so fast searching my face, for what I’m not sure but my tears have sped up and my heart is racing.
“Ian, please… your hurting me.” I follow the movement of his eyes to his hands on my arms and as if an electric shock passed from me to him he practically throws himself away from me turning his back on me, I slide to my knees on the floor sobbing softly and rubbing some life back into my arms. The bathroom, which is small on a good day, seems suffocating in this moment. A million thoughts are racing through my mind right now “what am I doing. Am I truly making the right decision? Is he right? Oh god what have I done.”
Ian moves to kneel in front of me and without conscious thought; as he reaches for me I flinch away from him and for the first time ever I see tears sparkle in his eyes “Georgina.” Ian’s voice cracks on a soft whisper “I’m so sorry, baby I…” at that I let him pull me into his arms, he buries his face in my neck and we both sob softly.
I’m not really sure how long we sit there but at some point Ian’s tears have dried against my skin and my once frantically pounding heart has slowed my cheeks tight from my own dried tears, my nose stuffy. Ian breaks the silence first “I would never hurt you Georgina, I just. I lost my temper and I. I. I love you so much I can’t bear the thought of anyone else having what’s mine. Please tell me G, you don’t love him do you?”
Love him? I barely know him. With a resigned sigh I pull back from Ian as far as I can so I can look him in the eyes “no Ian I don’t love him. I barely know him.”
Something passes over his eyes so briefly that I’m not even sure I saw it but his arms stiffen slightly as he says “who Georgina? Who is it?”
Swallowing the lump in my stomach I try to steady my breathing but the onset of more tears makes that damn near impossible “Ian…”
“WHO?” Ian’s voice is so full of anger and hurt and his grip tightens on my waist causing me to jump in place. Dear god please let me get through this….
I respect Ian enough not to even try to make excuses or lie about what I did last night. For what I did when I knowingly brought Liam into this. For what I did when I crawled into bed with Ian after having spent an incredible night with another man. “I had dinner with Liam last night, that’s why I couldn’t see you and that’s why I didn’t call you back.”
To my utter horror and complete surprise, Ian laughs at this. “Oh Georgina… my sweet, sweet, naive Georgina. Do you really think Liam wants to get to know you? Do you really think Liam wants anything from you except a quick fuck and a blowjob? For gods sake Georgina, Liam is playing you for a fool…” his words are like a slap in the face. An ice-cold bucket of water dumped on my naked body. Like a razor blade, carving tiny lines, into my skin. I’m stunned speechless “… He probably has a girl in every town he visits. Did you honestly think he wanted to truly get to know you so you could what? What Georgina?” his words are coming harsh and biting, lashing against my already fragile nerves “did you think he would fall in love with you and the two of you could date each other while he is overseas women throwing themselves at him while your here, alone, watching from the sidelines? Did you honestly think you could have forever with a man who will use you when he wants to and set you aside when he doesn’t? Did you think maybe if your faithful and devoted to him while he is away that maybe he would marry you, oh and he will be away Georgina, this I can guarantee. Liam doesn’t play for the MLS or for the US national team. Liam plays in Europe but let me guess; he filled your head with all sorts of pretty images last night, didn’t he? He told you how beautiful you are and how much he wants to get to know you and because I know you, you were skeptical and he said…. He said you two could make it work, didn’t he?”
All I can do is nod my head. I feel like I want to vomit. I feel like I have crawled in my own personal version of hell. Liam has never spoken to me this way and quite honestly I know I should say something, stand up for myself, defend what little Liam and I have or could have but maybe Ian is right? Maybe I am being a fool but the fact of the matter remains. With that thought I find a little bit of strength, enough to say in my still small and slightly shaky voice “we may not have all of the details worked out and I may be all of what you just called me but I am not stupid Ian. I don’t expect anything from Liam, I barely know him.” with each word that comes out of my mouth my resolve strengthens and my words become a little less shaky “Liam isn’t the reason why I am putting a stop to this” motioning with my hand between the two of us “Us. You and I. That’s why I am putting an end to this. I am not happy and I haven’t been for a while. Last spring was only the beginning and it just keeps getting worse for me and instead of doing this a few months ago I just… I just let it go and now…” taking a deep breath for composure I continue “… Now it may be to late to salvage anything that we could have had. Look at what just happened Ian. It’s not the first time and I know it wont be the last time. This is toxic and I cant keep letting you…” on a broken sob I continue, “touch me physically this way.”
“Could have had?” Ian smiles at me and it’s one of those shit eating grins that means he has a plan and I’m one hundred percent certain I am not going to like what he says at all. Of course it doesn’t escape my notice that he ignored everything I just said about his physical contact words me.
“I beg to differ Georgina. There is a lot that you and I will have after this because Liam, you will get over him. You and I have more than any two people in love before us have ever had. You and I will be together again, of this I am positive.” With that last sentence Ian stands up and looks down at me, showing his tender loving side for the first time since his good morning kiss earlier by holding his hand out to help me up. I take it and once I’m standing Ian who is looking down at me directly in the eyes runs his finger tips across my left cheek bone before leaning in and placing the softest whisper of a kiss on my lips. “I love you Georgina and I am going to fight tooth and nail to keep you. Be prepared.” And with that Ian brushes past me and into my room.
I find myself standing there in the middle of my bathroom when the sudden urge to brush my teeth comes over me. Reaching for my toothbrush and the toothpaste I catch a glimpse of my self in the mirror. Swollen and puffy eyes ringed in red. Red tipped nose and flushed cheeks. My mother would have a fit if she saw me right now. My mother. I don’t even want to think about what is going to happen when my mother finds out about this. I end up brushing my teeth twice. By the time I make it back into my bedroom, Ian is gone and the sweet smell of bacon fills the air.