(C)rush…

I Imagine there is a boat for people like me. Maybe even an island, one where your every desire is met the instant you think it. It would be the universes way of “making it up to you“; the fact that your crush didn’t like you back.

People like me, are people who have or have had, a crush on someone who doesn’t know you exist. Or maybe they know you exist, but there isn’t a chance that this person would like you back, because they are way out of your league. Like the nerd who is in love with the super model, or the book-worm who is in love with the corporate CEO, or how about the chubby person in love with the gorgeous life of the party. So many different scenarios fall under the “out of my league” category, like we are talking football leagues or something. It all sounds stupid now that I am sitting here writing this, but let me tell you something; last week working in a hotel bar, and seeing all of the people walking around, and again the other day, sitting in close proximity to my own crush, it all makes sense in a socially unjust way. Or maybe it’s all in our own heads, and we just need to love ourselves more.

Last weeks blog post was about the solo traveler, which I was (kind of) last week. For a little background, I traveled to New Orleans with a friend who was there for a conference. While she was in conferences all day, I either walked the quarter for some sunshine and air, sat by the pool to work, or in one of the two hotel bars to work. Anyways, in my blog post last week, I mentioned that it would be nice if I bumped into “Mr. Right” while on the road, or something to that effect. Unfortunately, it did not happen, but that doesn’t mean there wasn’t plenty to choose from, married men aside, except I kept telling myself that they were out of my league, and to stop looking.

It seems that most people (those I encountered), not born and raised in New England, are taller and thinner. To confirm I wasn’t just projecting, I asked a few of my fellow New England travelers, who confirmed that they noticed it to. It seems that New Englanders are build heartier in order to withstand the harsher winter conditions, whereas people from the South and West, are not. Upon my arrival home, I noticed that people I know personally, who were not born and raised here, are on average, taller and thinner than those who are second, third and even fourth, generation New Englanders. For the record, I was born in New England, raised in California from kindergarten to high school, moved back to New England in high school, and am still here (that’s another story for another day). My mom is a third(+) generation New Englander, and my dad, who was born in Africa, was raised in the South to parents from Nova Scotia, and the South (I think). No, I did not inherit my dads hight or body type, except my bone structure, which is smaller than my mom’s side. For your frame of reference, I am 5’1 in height, weigh about 226 lbs (I can’t believe I’m putting that on the internet), I am very fair-skinned (I invest in sunscreen), naturally have dark auburn hair and hazel eyes.

Now that you know what I’m working with, let me get to my point, So last week while I’m walking around and working, as a single heterosexual woman, I naturally paid attention to the men around me, and found more often than not, I was telling myself that they were out of my league. Thinking back on why I said this to myself, it could have been because they were mostly tall, handsome men, dressed in business suits. You know, the Christian Grey type (HA)… Some of the men were so tall that I could have been an arm rest for them. Some were so handsome, it hurt to look at their faces. Some were just plain gorgeous, and I couldn’t stop looking. From what I heard, having been in closer proximity, some were so intellectual and intelligent, I was lost and decided to focus on the sound of their voice.

What made me decide that they were out of my league, was when I pictured us standing next to each other in a mirror; they were just so much more. They were from the “beautiful people” group and I was not. I don’t have self-esteem issues. I know I am pretty, smart, funny, and would make a good catch for any guy. It wasn’t always like this though, and after a lot of self-improvement, loosing 130 lbs. (gaining 50 back), and realizing that I am a “beautiful people“, because we all are, I regained my self-esteem, but that doesn’t mean that old insecurities, don’t creep up from time to time. Which accounts for my thinking that these men are out of my league.

Which accounts for why I think that my current crush, is out of my league. Oh yes, I said it here folks; I have a crush on someone. This someone, who shall remain nameless, has no idea that I have a crush on them, to my knowledge, and isn’t a close friend, but more like an acquaintance. So the other day, I’m sitting in close proximity to this person, and thinking about all of the, rated (PG), things we would enjoy doing together, when I hear them say that their current love interest is on a date with someone else. Belatedly, I realize that my crush could be in the same boat, on the same island as me, however this is about me right now.

Once I hear this, I immediately revert into my “he’s out of my league” mantra, and start listing all of the reasons why; taller, cooler, smarter, handsome, not their type. Then I move onto thinking about who they would be interested in; taller, thinner, cooler, prettier, smarter. I should mention, that I have no clue what the other woman looks like, for all I know, she could look just like me, except not me. So now I’m left feeling jilted by a person who has no idea that they even jilted me, and wondering why “having a crush” is even a thing. It seems like a pointless waste of time designed to force us into self-examination, and introspection. We do this enough as it is. Maybe instead of “having a crush” on someone, we should come clean with them and say, “I like you. Would you be interested in seeing if you like me too?” Whats the worst that can happen? They say “no.” But what if they say “yes”?

I’m not nieve enough to understand that this tactic opens up a whole other can of proverbial “creepy crawlies” if they say “no” or if things don’t work out after the “yes.” I suppose I’m looking at it from a time management standpoint; as a single woman in my early forties, do I have time for a crush, time to pine over a guy who has no clue I’m even pining after him? Not exactly. I need to be out cultivating relationships with the hope that one of them will be “THE ONE“, and we can settle down into our happily ever after.

Obviously, I’m good at giving advice, but not taking my own advice. If I do decide to follow my “time management” route, I’ll let you know. If you decide to follow my advice, good luck, and please let me know.

Until next time…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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