Depending on who you consult, the word “Revelations” can mean one of a few different things. To start, it could refer to the Book of Revelation in the Bible, or it could refer to a surprising and previously unknown fact however, the Revelations that I am referring to, are the divine disclosures to humans of something relating to human existence or the world. More specifically, I am referring to the revelations revealed to me through divine intervention (here’s the drama folks)…
You see, today is Easter Sunday, and on a regular Sunday I would get up at four-thirty am, throw some clothes on, probably the ones I wore last night, wipe off the left over make-up, I know… I know… I shouldn’t sleep with my make-up on, and head out for the twenty-minute drive to Manchester, where I will join my fellow humanitarians in the task of cooking breakfast for, and serving it to, the homeless. Today wasn’t any different except that it is Easter Sunday, and because I had a silent conversation with Jesus. Face to Face.
To give you some background, this painting (picture credit goes to me) was done in 1977 by an amazing woman I will refer to as “M”. Even now, looking at this picture, I get goose bumps. M, finished this painting at the same exact moment, all those centuries ago, that Jesus bowed his head and said “It is done”, with his dying breath. After its completion, the painting was passed off to an organization, and lost for some time, before returning to its home with M, who with the help of her family, displayed it for us at this mornings breakfast.
I was fortunate enough this morning, to have arrived to serve while it was still pretty quiet, and could take my time absorbing the magnitude of what I was looking at. My history with God was always pretty rocky, until about a year ago, when I was introduced to Christianity, in a whole new light. Previously, I was Catholic, and blamed all of my life woes on God. This morning, sitting across from Jesus upon his cross, it occurred to me that not only did he die for my sins, but he died so I could live. Live being the key word, something that I’m not doing very well these days. No, I’m not suicidal, and no, I’m not depressed. What I am though, is stagnant.
Every time I read my own Match profile, I come across the part that says, “I love to live life to the fullest.” Clearly, I am not being truthful (with the guys or myself), because if I was, I would really be living my life, and doing what makes me happy. Not wasting away in a soul sucking, black hole of a job that makes me miserable. Everyday, I get up at four-thirty am, drive forty-five minutes to work, stare at a computer screen for eight hours, drive forty-five minutes home, run errands, maybe make dinner, procrastinate on going to the gym, and/or taking the puppy for a walk (I never make it to the gym), and before I know it, it’s eight pm, and I’m exhausted. Repeat four more times during the week, and then on weekends… Maybe I get out for some fun, maybe I don’t. Who really wants to spend any significant amount of time on their laptop, when they have been on a computer all day?
The challenge I am running into, is working full-time, trying to find the time to promote my book; Letters to my Ex: with all my love ~ a (see what I did there…), get the book into local shops, come up with creative ideas to reach a more diverse reader base, work on my next project, record a promotional video, mail manuscripts for my next project to publishers, and literary agents, attend literary conventions, etc, etc, etc.. This is in addition to; reviewing FEEA scholarship essays, maintaining this blog, maintaining all the social media sites for this blog, and my book, and of course, finding ways to make money writing full-time from home. All while being a single mom with a teenager, and a puppy.
Yeah, I know, I’m not the only person in the world with problems, and on the grand scale of problems, mine are not huge, but they are mine, and this is what I’m talking about, so…. One last problem to add to the list; I lose my voice. Everyday. My soul sucking day job doesn’t help. Actually, it makes it worse. (more on that later)
So while I’m sitting there looking into the eyes of Jesus, I realize that I don’t have to keep doing what I’m doing. This is my life, the life that I can live, because of the man in front of me. My soul sucking job, is just a job. There are other jobs out there, and the money? It’s just money… I can see my dads eyes bugging out of his head while he reads this… There is no reward without risk. I won’t be the first person to do it, and I won’t be the last, but I’m willing to take the risk for my happiness, and for that of my daughter. It is important for me as a mother, to show T, that living, really and truly living, is what is important. Doing what makes you happy, is important, and if I fail? Then I pick myself up, dust myself off, and move on to something else.
But here’s the thing; if I put it in Gods hands, then I can’t fail.
This revelation was huge for me; not only did it come with tears, trepidation, and what if’s, but left over maschera streaks on my cheeks, a runny nose, and at this point an audience. Best of all, it lifted a weight off my shoulders that had set in months ago, and within seconds… it was gone, my timeline was set, and time started to move forward.
I truly wish that everyone could see this painting in person, as I did today. M’s painting has performed miracles in the past, and though this may not be a significant miracle, on the grand scale of miracles, it was a miracle for me to realize that I was choosing to live happily as opposed to stagnant, and miserable.
This post may not be full of profound, ground breaking thoughts, but it does have something, it has love, and hope. Love; because you are choosing to read my words, it inspires me to keep going, and I love that, thank you. Hope; that you will take my words to heart, and make the changes in your own life that you need to, and want to, in order to be happy. If you aren’t already, and if you are, then I applaud you. It isn’t possible for everyone so please; keep on keeping on, and inspire others to do the same.
An observation you might want to make about M’s painting, look at his tongue positioning. He is saying that he loves you.
Happy Easter, and until next time…